Write, Andini, Write!

Adele is my hero. Dalam sebuah wawancara, seorang reporter menanyakan mengapa Adele tidak membuat lagu untuk generasi TikTok, anak-anak remaja dan baru dewasa. Ini jawaban Adele: "If everyone's making music for the TikTok, who's making music for my generation? Who's making the music for my peers? I will do that job, gladly." Well, I'm so glad she's doing that job.


Tujuh Desember lalu aku berulangtahun ke 39. One more year and I'll be 40. I thought I would be more freaking out about almost being 40 but not really. I like who I see in the mirror. I truly like her, grey hair, wrinkles, cellulites, and all. She's far from perfect but dang, she's comfortable in her skin. Me. I'm she.

Sejak usiaku 20-an atau mungkin belasan tahun, aku selalu mengatakan kalau aku ingin menulis buku. Ha! I'm turning 40 in a year and there is NO book in sight. In the past few years, not even a short story. I have stopped calling myself a writer. Because writers write and I don't. So there is guilt. And shame. Not because I told everyone that I wanted to write a book and they always replied: you should! (Bless y'all's hearts!!) But because I promised it to myself. Not to anyone else really, but me. And I've not kept my words. It always stings a little when I think or talk about writing. 

Since I'm not dead yet, I suppose I can still write that book I've been talking a lot about (again, to myself more than to anyone else). 'Not being dead yet' is a good enough reason. And Adele's answer to the TikTok question is also a good enough reason. I'll write for my generation. I'll write for me. And if no one reads it then it's fine. I need to stop writing with everyone's (imaginary) opinions in mind. Imaginary because I have yet to share what I write with other people. Well actually I have. With a few people. And they are the very kind few who gave very kind feedbacks. But I think, since I'm a big girl now, I need to step up my game and just write and not give an effing F if people don't really like or connect to what I write. This so-called book can just be kept in my computer forever and it's fine but I have to finish it. 

What's so fun about turning 39 (or any age, really) if you still feel constrained by other people's opinions of you? They might not even be thinking about you! People are so busy with their own things (and their online presence) that they most probably don't care about me or whatever I do. So might as well just write what I want, the way I want it. Like this post right here, Indonesia campur Inggris, campur aduk. 

Anyway, ini catatan hari ulang tahun sebagai pengingat di masa depan bahwa aku membuat janji ini secara publik. Janji kepada diri sendiri yang dibuat di depan umum (di depan, paling tidak, 2 pembaca setia blog ini. Again, bless your hearts!!). Write that book, Andini. Write it. You owe it to yourself.